Page-Turner

I am an avid journaler. 

To those of you who have never kept a journal, this may seem strange to you.  There are two great moments that every journaler eagerly awaits; the starting and ending of a journal.  Finding yourself within the last couple pages you write more feverishly,  you try to fill in the last 5 pages so you don't have to bleed into the new one.  But most importantly you reflect on the past 7 months, or however long it took you to finish it and you look forward to what the future has to offer.  These momentous occasions take you out of the normal lapse of time and put you in so many places at once.

The completion and start of a journal don't always illustrate such a transition in real life.  Often, it's simply the way the pages fall; mid February when nothing is changing in your life or ironically shortly after a big change.  There is not always a correlation.  However, today I finished a journal on the verge of a very significant shift.  The closing of this chapter of my life, whatever it has been, ushers in the next chapter, whatever that will be. 

I find msyelf standing on the edge of a chasm of time and of space.  Crossing over the Atlantic from America to France, from student to professional life; from here to there.  I stand and gaze over the abyss to what will be and back over my failures and successes, hoping, that the momentum will be enough to make the leap.  I hope, because that's really all anyone can do.

I remind myself though, that to jump well, a secure footing is key.  Often my mind is anywhere but the moment; looking ahead or remembering, ignoring what is important right now.  To make this next leap, I need to have a solid connection to the present.

So here's to being in Terre Haute till I leave and staying up past my bedtime to read this story, my life, because I am enthralled with what is happening now and can't wait to see what the next chapter holds. 

Because my life is a page-turner.

Moment Eternal

The setting orange sun hung majestically above the horizon creating an interplay of light and shadow with the late September corn standing tall in fields along highway 63.  Intermittent brightness and shade played off the impatient cars as they hurried south to make it home before nightfall.  Trees to the east side of the road blushed in the falling light, dancing in an invisible breeze.  There was no cloud to be seen.  A red four door car went on unaware of the beauty surrounding it, intent only on arriving safely at it's destination.

   The last reaching fingers of light caught the tuning pegs of an acoustic guitar in the back seat of the red car, stealing the attention of the driver causing him to shift his gaze momentarily from the ribbon of highway in front of him.  As he turned to look he crashed and died a terrible painful death!

Just kidding! He looked and saw the regal sun falling and was touched by the moment eternal.  Tears formed as all the occasions of fall life unfurled in his mind.  He thought of hay rides and wiener roasts, of corn mazes and leaves turning.  He thought of warm clothes, jackets and flannel and jeans.  And he mourned.  He traveled over the land from whence he had come, and mourned it as if it were no longer there.  The expansive corn fields he bemoaned to those not native to the area all of a sudden became cherished and worthy of a second thought and even a tear.  He slowed his car, knowing his destination would be there when he got there, and watched the failing sun beams blaze through the tall corn  and watched the dancing radiant trees.  And he cried.  "Why", he asked himself, "Do I leave what I love?"

I ask myself that question as I count down the days to doing just that.  I will be leaving this country very shortly for France where I will be teaching English.  I have been to France twice previously, but this feels more final.  I don't know exactly why that is.  I am not going with a group, I don't have a round trip ticket and I have a job in another country.  I ask myself why I am leaving what I love, because I dearly love this place and the people who also call this country home and I know the answer.  Because I want to.

I am living my dream; to travel and to do and to see.  To be a global person.  I am striking out and moving forward, uncertain and scared but also emboldened and giddy with anticipation.  I am doing what everyone has ever told me to do who finds out about my plans; do it!  Do it while you can, it's the experience of a life time!  Go!  

I am going and I want you to share in this experience with me.  I waffled for a while about making a new blog to do this with, but I don't wish to divide my life between who I am and what I want to write about and what I think others will be comfortable with.  Some of the stories I have written here will make some of my family and friends uncomfortable, but I feel this is more honest.  To those whom might be offended I do not apologize.  

As an addendum I would like to add that not all of these stories are 100% factual.  Few of them are, so please, take what you may read in the past posts with a grain of salt. 

I can promise nothing in terms of frequency or content for I know not what the 'morrow may bring, but please check in every so often if you wish.